On My Own
by Rachellaa
Summary: A Standalone fiction which shows a young woman reading a very important, saddening yet comforting letter after a tragic loss. Inspired by the story of P.S I Love You and the musical song On My Own.


Her bare fingers traced lightly on top of the white blanket of snow. She sniffed the cool air through her nostrils as she looked down at the river. Lily continued to walk through the snow, her boots crunching into the white ice. A silent atmosphere calmed her; no one was at the park. Just the sound of wind whipping lightly through the empty branches of the trees quietly filled the air. She now stood in the middle of the bridge: the bridge where they met. She smiled at the memory as she looked upon the river.

_His dark brown eyes gazed into hers as they knelt on the pavement. Tucking a long brunette curl behind her ear, she smiled at him and picked up the pieces of art from the floor._

'I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going.' His smooth voice soaked into her heart and caused her to smile widely.  
'It's okay, I wasn't paying much attention either.'  
'I'm Tom.' A dimple dented his one cheek when he smiled. They both stood up; he was considerably taller than her, her blue eyes flicked from his left eye to his right. She wanted to speak. Her brain told her to speak. But her lips didn't move. Instead she stood, staring helplessly into his eyes. 'What's your name?' He chuckled lightly.

She closed her eyes and shook her head and told herself to think straight. 'Um, yeah, I'm Lily.' She smiled embarrassingly and looked down at her brown boots.

'How ironic: meeting such a lovely girl in such a lovely place.' Tom leant on the railings of the bridge.  
'How cheesy of you.' She giggled and turned, tucking her exam pieces under her arm, leaning on the same railings, to look at the river beneath them.  
'It's beautiful isn't it?' He said  
'Very.' She smiled at the fast running water.  
'I come here to think, mostly when the park is empty.'  
'I also come here to think, but I work a lot: so lunch breaks are my only escape.'

Lily felt his eyes on her cheek. She turned and looked back at him.  
'It's not very often that I bring myself to talk to a girl like you.' He frowned as if he was considering something in deep detail. Lily waited patiently. 'Maybe, I mean, I know it's quite forward, well, not that forward, but it'll just be one, well two if you want to, but I just wondered if you wanted to go for a drink?'

She smiled as his cheeks flushed a light pink. 'Of course, why not?'  
  
Unfolding the piece of paper in her hand she breathed heavily. Did she really want to read on? Of course she did, what was she thinking? She stared at the words blankly before re-reading the beginning and then starting to read the letter.

_My Dearest Lily,  
Before you read this, I want you to go to the bridge. I know you know which one I mean. I want you to stand where you did when I asked you for a drink. Where I clumsily bumped into you, although it was the best thing I've ever done. When you're there and you're looking over the river. I want you to continue reading. For now, close the letter._

I have gone over and thought about how or what I should write, but it has been hard as I'm not ready to say goodbye. I don't think I could ever be ready to say goodbye to you. So I will try my best and, please, excuse my handwriting. Here it goes.

Lily: My beautiful, perfect Lily. You have changed me. You have changed my life so much. I cannot thank you enough for staying in my life. I am so lucky to have had you by my side for as long as I have. It's not every day that some one like me gets to spend his life with the most amazing girl in the world. I want you to know that no matter where you are or how long it's been: I will still be right by your side, looking out for you. Even if you can't see me, I promise you that I am there. In fact, I'm standing right next to you now.

Lily smacked her hand over her mouth and stifled her sob as tears trickled down her face. She looked out upon the river, then, without a second thought, she turned her head, half hoping that he would be standing next to her. But she saw nothing but the snow-covered park in the distance. Her mouth quivered as more tears rolled down her red cheeks. Breathing in deeply she looked back at the letter, the crisp cold paper shaking under her fingers. Just about managing to see through her tears, she read on:

_Don't cry. Don't dwell on what's happened. I want you to be happy. I want you to have the best in your life because you deserve it. Wishing for things to be normal again won't let you have the best in your life. Wishing for things to be the way they were will just hurt you even more. You've been through enough: it's time you moved on._

'How can I move on, Tom? You idiot.' She whispered as she squeezed her eyes shut, tears streaming down her face as the pain in her heart throbbed harder than ever. Why did this happen? Why him? Why Tom? They took her other half. They took her soul mate. She just wanted him back. Couldn't she just have him back? Just to be able to hold him, to squeeze his hand and tell him that she loves him. Just one more time. She didn't want to move on. She wasn't ready for that. 'Why did you have to go?' She sobbed into her hand and held the letter against the left of her chest. Her heart thumped against her ribs violently. She leant forward, the cold snow brushing against her coat. She twisted round, resting the small of her back on the snow-y railings as the sobs ripped from her chest. Her hair stuck to her wet cheeks as she collapsed to the floor. Bringing her knees to her chest, she sniffed and attempted to calm her sobs. But the lump in her throat rose and became larger, her breathing jumped unevenly and she began to cry harder. 'Come back.' She quietly pleaded. 'Please.'

She looked up and glimpsed at the paper in her shaking hand. She needed to read on. Deeply breathing she brushed her hand through her hair and combed it away from her face. The cold air was refreshing for her soar throat and wet cheeks as she placed the paper in front of her again. Preparing herself, she, again, read on:

_I know that hurt. But it's the truth. I don't mean forget about me. But don't feel bad or guilty if you find yourself crying less or thinking about me less each day. I don't want you to be a blubbering mess like you are now. I want you to smile at the thought of me, not cry. So don't feel guilty when you eventually come to that point. Also, if there comes a time when you start to feel something for someone else go for it and take the chance. I want you to be happy._

As for your engagement and wedding ring, give them to Grace. I know she's not even walking yet, but when she's older she can either wear them or just keep them as some sort of memory of me.

Lily focused her eyes onto the two rings on her left hand. Pursing her lips, more tears trickled out her eyes as she twisted them round her finger.

_Don't let her grow up not knowing her dad. Make sure you tell her every story about us. And make sure you tell her that I love her and always will._

I want you to be strong, Lily. I want you to take care of yourself. I know you can do it. I will be looking over you and Grace and I will be beside you through everything. I promised you I would never leave you, I intend on keeping that promise as well. I wish you luck for the future and I just know that you'll get everything you want eventually. Don't ever give up, beautiful. And don't ever, for one second, forget that I love you. I always have and always will.

With you always, my dearest,  
Tom x

Breathing heavily, her limbs felt numb as she tried to move. Staring at the other side of the bridge, she let the tears fall silently down her rose-y cheeks. Automatically folding the letter she slipped it into her pocket. She closed her eyes and let her head slowly tilt back onto the bars behind her, to her they were as comfortable as a pillow right now. The words of her husband echoed in her mind as if he was in there repeating them so she wouldn't forget. 'I will be beside you through everything'. Lily's eyes shot open, she felt someone watching her. She felt someone's presence. She looked around at her surroundings but nothing was there. No one was to be seen. Scrambling to her feet she spun around, her feet flicking the snow as she made a circular pattern in the ice. She frowned before backing into the railings and twisting to look at the ice on the river. Her eyes watched the water beneath it flow as normal. What if it was Tom?

Lily took the letter from her pocket and brought it to her lips, after kissing the cold paper she whispered 'I love you.' Sudden warmth wrapped around her as she felt the presence again. This time, she didn't look around. She just smiled, looking onto the river and made the most of having her husband with her.


End file.
